THE HATTER DIALOGUES

hatterdialogs

 

01 Experts 10 Property
02 School 11 Taxes
03 Greed 12 Poverty
04 Values 13 Trophies
05 Justice 14 Vices
06 Rights 15 Stupid
07 Tolerance 16 The FED
08 Charity
09 Progress

 

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VICE

ALICE: Hatter, Something is bothering me. The Dormouse said I use so much sugar it is a crime. Is it true?
MAD HATTER: The answer is either NO, or MAYBE, depending on the type of law.

ALICE: How awkward, how can it be maybe?
MAD HATTER: The Queen’s law depends on Her mood. Any government’s laws can change.

ALICE: But she changes her mind all the time! How can the answer be NO, then?
MAD HATTER: Well, Natural Law never changes, because it is based on principle.

ALICE: Not changing sounds safer. How does it work?
MAD HATTER: In Natural Law, if there is no one who was tricked, bullied, or hurt – without their consent – there is no crime.

ALICE: Well it’s just me eating sugar, so who cares?
MAD HATTER: If the Queen pays your medical bills, then she can order you to do almost anything.

ALICE: Oh dear!
MAD HATTER: Ah, did you never wonder why the Queen would go to all that trouble?

ALICE: Oh dear oh dear!
MAD HATTER: Free medicine is quite “dear” indeed – it costs us in more ways than most people realize.

ALICE: I think there should be a law against Queen herself!
MAD HATTER: Naturally so.

*end

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TAXES

Dorothy: I don’t understand taxes. Why are strangers taking the money I earned?
Wizard: You pay them to protect you.

Dorothy: But I don’t have a choice?
Wizard: People would not pay if they had a choice.

Dorothy: If I needed protection, I would be willing to pay.
Wizard: Trust me; you need protection — from those who collect the taxes.

Dorothy: If I don’t have a choice, then, isn’t it theft?
Wizard: Not according to the Judge.

Dorothy: Who is this Judge?
Wizard: A rich guy who is paid by your taxes.

Dorothy: I don’t like this, not one little bit.
Wizard: Try lying to yourself, it works for most people.

Taxes, Part II

Dorothy: Wizard, about taxes, there is more to it than just the Judge, isn’t there?
Wizard: Yes Dorothy. The Majority set up a system which let’s this happen.

Dorothy: Why does a group have the right to take what is mine, while I cannot take their stuff?
Wizard: Because they are stronger.

Dorothy: Might makes right, then?
Wizard: Only for the Government, who has a monopoly on legal aggressive force.

Dorothy: Wizard, you have explained the HOW, but not the WHY. By what RIGHT do they steal from me?
Wizard: I’ve studied this, and every attempted answer is a mere word salad of contradictions.

Dorothy: What other wretched things does the government let itself do to me?
Wizard: That totally depends on what the People will put up with.

Dorothy: This should be taught in our schools!
Wizard: In our government schools?

Dorothy: Oh, right.

*end

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STUPID

ALICE: Hatter, everyone told stories about how stupid the government is yesterday. Is it true? Why?
MAD HATTER: It’s true. The reason is because there is no reason for it to be smart.

ALICE: But doesn’t government want to help people?
MAD HATTER: They claim that, but the results run to the contrary.

ALICE: But why? The politicians are usually very well educated.
MAD HATTER: There are no consequences for failing. In fact, politicians need problems – so they can promise to fix them.

ALICE: Voters would figure that out, though, right?
MAD HATTER: No. Politicians claim to be making progress, but they always need more time and money.

ALICE: Hmm…. That is what I’ve seen.
MAD HATTER: The government can have a monopoly when they wish; they can make their competition illegal, or, just create red tape which exempts the government itself.

ALICE: Monopolies are bad, though.
MAD HATTER: Indeed. And the Government has a monopoly on the worst thing in the world: Aggressive force.

ALICE: Because they have courts police, jails, and even the IRS.
MAD HATTER: Exactly so.

ALICE: How does this make them stupid?
MAD HATTER: They never need to make money, they just raise taxes. And, knowing they can use force to win, they never need to be clever.

ALICE: Bullies are usually a bit stupid.
MAD HATTER: Yes, but then, the voters have their own issues as well.

ALICE: It seems like the biggest issue is the government itself.
MAD HATTER: Would you care for some tea?

*end

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JUSTICE

Alice: Hatter, what is Justice?
Mad Hatter: Do you mean Social Justice, or Original Justice?

Alice: Aren’t they related? They both say Justice.
Mad Hatter: Well no, they are exact opposites.

Alice: How so?
Mad Hatter: Original Justice means all the rules apply exactly the same to everyone, no matter who.

Alice: And Social Justice?
Mad Hatter: Social Justice makes us deliberately apply different rules to different types of people.

Alice: Do they both help make life more fair?
Mad Hatter: Does having different rules for different people sound fair to you?

Alice: I attend public schools.
Mad Hatter: I see.

*end

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EXPERTS

Alice: We need to check out something the Queen of Hearts has said.
Mad Hatter: Oh, excellent; we have an Expert for that.

Alice: Where can we find this Expert?
Mad Hatter: He is conveniently located just outside the Royal Palace!

Alice: That is convenient, but isn’t the rent there quite expensive?
Mad Hatter: Well, the Chief Royal Expert can certainly afford it!

Alice: You suggest we should verify information from the Queen by using her Chief Expert?
Mad Hatter: Everyone says he is the best!

Alice: But of course he will agree with the Queen, right?
Mad Hatter: No doubt, the Queen relies on the best Experts. This is why her laws are always great.

Alice: The Queen’s laws seem great, but mainly for the Queen.
Mad Hatter: Well, what did you expect?

Alice: Oh dear, this is not going to work. Are there any other Experts?
Mad Hatter: Of course! They live just down the street from the Chief Royal Expert.

Alice: And I assume they were also chosen by the Queen?
Mad Hatter: Well, that is how one becomes an Expert.

Alice: I see.
Mad Hatter: I suggest you keep that under your hat.

*end

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CHARITY

ALICE: Hatter, I’m confused. I was excited about my vote when the Dormouse shot me a dirty look.
MAD HATTER: What vote?

ALICE: I supported helping some needy people.
MAD HATTER: What did you give up, to be so excited?

ALICE: Well nothing, it’s just a new tax.
MAD HATTER: If you are not giving up your own stuff, why do you feel good?

ALICE: It’s charity, to help people.
MAD HATTER: Alice, its not charity to force others to give.

ALICE: What if I also pay the tax?
MAD HATTER: It is still wrong to force others to do the same.

ALICE: Why?
MAD HATTER: Forcing others is bullying, always.

ALICE: Others were also celebrating.
MAD HATTER: Bullies love to make others do things, and they love to pretend they’ve done something good.

ALICE: This seems complicated.
MAD HATTER: The rule is simple… you may stop people from using force, but you may not force them to do good things.

ALICE: Oh Hatter, you’ve made me feel bad now. I am mad at you.
MAD HATTER: Ironically, it usually works like that.

ALICE: Whatever.

*end

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